Cuz I feel like a bitch right now

I don't usually speak about Heart, cuz I mean, why? She lives in her realm and I live in mine. But I'm going to link this because it is literally the funniest thing I've read in way, way, way too long. I have a feeling just the memory of these few lines is going to keep me going through a long Wisconsin winter:

For the record, these are not Heart's words. They are the immortal burblings of one Satsuma, who for the longest time I thought was a troll and now just think is kind of a dolt:

Look at the paintings of Romaine Brooks, or marvel at Rosa Boehneur’s epic paintings. The self-portrait of Romaine Brooks is a classic in lesbian portraiture. Think of the women artists who painted each other and themselves, and you’ll see an entire aesthetic that even a male art historian can’t decode, but I can instantly, even when I’m not familiar with the artist.

I know the clear eyed lesbian gaze directly at the viewer, and this is a lovely portrait of the intense mind of lesbians coming right out of a painting. It’s direct, it doesn’t bow to any master, and the radience of this light is so powerful, that many women out there really are afraid of this kind of freedom in the world.

And then Heart jumps in, yeah, I know the clear-eyed lesbian gaze intimately! Cuz I'm Every Woman!

And Satsuma, while she's not calling heterosexual women who bear children every name in the book, continues the lovefest:

I’m glad you know what the serious lesbian gaze is Heart! I have spent 30 years looking for this special look in paintings, photos, lesbian conferences, and in the coffee house down the street. It is this delightful look that says I AM SERIOUS, and the word serious is sacred to me. I am a deadly serious woman, and I try to use my mind to the fullest extent possible in the world. I’ve never seen a straight woman who can have this same look on her face. I’m not sure what this is, other than the recognition that some women are of my species, and this lesbian feminist look is quite rare out in the male-stream world. It is just there!

Ok. Excuse me while I brush the lint off my ass that I got from rolling on the floor in a state of heretical mirth. Y'all just go on clear-eyed gazing at each other, ok?

The clear-eyed lesbian gaze:
I guess what steams me is that these deluded women are acting like being a dyke is some sort of holy calling, similar to nunhood or something.

I can't believe I have to say it in this day and age, but we lesbians are not running around with golden rays of womanly light shining out of our asses--we are real flesh and blood people. There is no such thing as a clear eyed lesbian gaze, ok?

There was a time when I thought lesbians were super-enlightened, but I was 17. I had a lot of delusions that came from no time spent in the real world. But you know what, I grew up and I went out and I met real dykes and slept with some and argued with some and desired some and hated some and was indifferent to some and lusted after some and grew out of lust with some, but one thing never changed--those dykes remained just as painfully human and prone to stupid non-clear-eyed, in fact sometimes just bleary-eyed, gazing, as I was. JUST LIKE ME.

And for the dykes who spent time in institutions because of their dykiness, and the dykes who lost jobs and homes and their families and their kids because of being dykes, not dynamic super-lesbians, a hearty fuck-you to you, Satsuma. I don't think you're even close to being what you blather on about.